· NOTICES of ATTESTATION ·

WITNESSED: By the Laws of Passion, a heart cannot be deeded without the tendering the regal sum of: One fervent kiss, three lengthy caresses, and one dollar. The receipt and affirmation of the required said smooch, hugs, and horde of pennies will immediately transfer to you ownership and government of my heart which has been enlarged to the size of countless distant horizons. Indeed, everything and all that is bonded to, or receives life from, this vast estate is eternally subject.

WITNESSED: I am compelled to enact this testament by a breathtaking force that seems to have subverted my free agency. In truth, you have captured my heart and enslaved it. I am subjugated by your tender kindness, yoked by your irresistible eye appeal, fettered by your warmth, overcome by your incandescent spirit, carried away by your keen wit, shackled by your kisses, and conquered by your love. To withhold my heart from you would be as unavailing as trying to empty the sea with a sieve. Thus since the moment my eyes